When I was pregnant I went through what, I think, every other woman who is about to have a baby goes through...especially their first baby. The worry, the excitement, the fear, the anxiety. What if I don’t do it right? Will I be a good mom? Will I raise a good person? I went into motherhood with the obvious knowledge of the fact that it’s sleepless nights, lots of diapers, and exhausting. But while I was pregnant I was also told how motherhood will be for me. That it will be scary, hard, daunting, even miserable… I was made to think that it’s simply awful to be honest.
One thing I have learned since this journey started is that motherhood is many, many things and no one person or piece of advice can capture it all. Nor can anyone tell you how being a parent will be for YOU. In one day you feel like you’ve done everything and nothing all at the same time. You laugh, you cry, you sigh, you smile, and you yawn. You wake up every morning not knowing what your day will hold, and I find that to be beautifully chaotic but at times it can be stressful too. One week will be perfect bliss and the next you will have a non-sleeping, teething, ear infection ridden devil child. Every. Single. Day. Is different. So is every single person.
The other night I was in the kitchen cooking dinner and making a bottle all while Lil was on my hip and I said “motherhood is being able to cook, hold a baby and make a bottle”. I said this jokingly, but then my husband and I started to banter back and forth naming things that motherhood is… we hit just the tip of the iceberg.
The good, the bad, the disgusting and everything in between.
Motherhood is: learning to live on a few hours of sleep each night and then sleeping so lightly that a baby rolling over wakes you. Being able to hold two kicking legs and wipe poop off a cute bare bottom all at once. Being able to move at lightspeed during a one hour nap to get as much done as possible… two loads of laundry, the dishes, trash, shower, check! The ability to do anything one handed… and I mean anything. Squeezing in a workout in your living room… even if that workout is squatting down to pick up toys. Or not going to the gym for days and not caring. It is not caring when you’re covered in boogers and drool because that meant you got a good hug in plus it’s just part of your outfits now. Learning to fill a shopping cart around the carseat… or as my friend calls it shopping cart tetris. It is giving up the top rack in the dishwasher to wash all the bottles, bowls, cups, lids… etc. It is stepping on legos and tripping over balls. It is rubbing in diaper cream and calling your spouse to come see the color or the poop in the diaper. It is being pooped, peed and puked on… and all you can do is laugh, then shower. It is wishing a nap lasted just 30 minutes longer… just because you’re tired too. Motherhood is pretending you don’t see the baby pooping in hopes that your spouse will change the diaper first.
Motherhood is: having no space left on your phone because it’s full of too many cute baby pictures. It is trips to the aquarium and zoo with your friends just because you can. It gives you the chance to buy all the adorable baby clothes that you always oggle over in Target. It is seeing the world through a set of eyes completely unburdened by anything. Motherhood is knowing you’re growing your own family and starting a wonderful life for them. It is knowing that you can create happy memories that will last a lifetime. It is the hope in the future because you’ll do your best to raise a good person. Motherhood is a deep abiding love that can never be replaced. It is a selfless act because it means letting a piece of your heart walk outside of your body. It is a happiness that can never be explained.
Motherhood is waking up every day and doing the best that you can and being excited for a new day. Motherhood is not about being perfect, there is no such thing. It’s not about doing what every other mother does… even though comparison is our worst enemy. It is so easy to criticize and compare. To judge and to tear other people down. But who cares what everyone else thinks!? Who cares if you’re not doing it perfectly!? No one can tell you how your experience in motherhood or parenting should be, no one! If you love being a mother, own it! If you don’t love being a mother, own it. If you have days of greatness and days of mundane, own it.