A Mothers Rant
My darling sweet daughter. Oh how I love you, let me count the ways… but today this mama just can’t even.
You’ve decided today is one of those days. The one where you’re just unhappy and mommy isn’t enough. Try as I might the screams and cries never cease and I’m left exhausted, with a headache and ready for the regular you to come back to me.
Because when you wake from your nap will I get my sweet baby girl? Or will I get the child that refuses her bottle, but screams when I take it away? No… wait…. you want your bottle now! But have simultaneously decided it’s time to learn how to backflip and how to do the can-can while sitting in my arms.
Just drink the damn bottle!
I set you on the floor to play but you scream, I give you a new toy and you are content. When I walk away you’re satisfied but then I look at you and you remember you’re unhappy. So you scream.
I hold you to calm you when you’ve gone hysterical, but yet you fight me to be on the floor playing, then scream as soon as your diaper hits the floor.
I love you with all my heart sweet girl but you do make me work for it sometimes.
You're not hungry but you want to eat my food.
I change your diaper full of poop only to have you roll around, grab for the mess and kick your feet into it. You struggle against the clean one and attempt a dive bomb off of the dresser. Do you know mommy is tired and only has one hand to hold you down and keep you from rolling off your changing table while the other one quickly works to clean you?
You're not tired but you rub your eyes fiercely as if to hide the bags under your eyes.
I rock you to help you settle and you look at me sweetly then smile at me and it all seems a bit easier. Then your little hand reaches up and attempts to rip the skin off my lips only to hit me in the eye.
I lay you down to sleep and you suck your finger and roll over. As I watch you sleep on the monitor you wake to pull yourself up and bang your head into the crib with all your might… there are those tears again. Which makes me want to cry too, my sweet girl.
Most days I do not wish for nap time, most days you’re my partner in crime and you are the happiest baby around. Those days are the best days, most days are the best days. Most days your laughs and smiles are all I see and hear. But today tears and sobs are what fills the house.
I hold it all together on the outside...
But damn, you’ve got me waiting for naptime and searching for a glass of wine. Because right now my insides are screaming right along with you.
I love you sweet daughter, and I’ll walk through fire for you. But I just can’t even today...
Someone... please bring me wine and tell me I’m pretty...